When we lose a beloved pet—or any loved one—the world as we knew it shifts. Our house no longer feels like home, and we are not the same person we were before their passing. Grieving a loss is always difficult, but navigating that grief during the holidays, when so many memories are tied to our lost companion, can feel unbearable.

Gone are the days of dogs running in joyful circles around the house. There’s no cat batting at ornaments or chasing ribbons. The Christmas tree, the candles, the meals shared—they all feel incomplete without the love and presence of our animal companion. 

Grief during the holidays can isolate us, leaving us feeling exiled from the festive swirl of energy and joy around us. Yet, in the midst of this season of giving, even well-intentioned gestures like sympathy gifts require thoughtfulness. Most grieving pet parents prefer to honor their pet in deeply personal ways, choosing their own memory rituals to reflect the bond they shared.  

So, how can we engage with the people we love during the holidays while honoring our grief? Sometimes, we can’t – and that’s okay. 
 
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL
You have every right to decline invitations if you're not up to celebrations. At the same time, stepping into moments of light and connection—a smile, a song, a hug—can be healing. Trying to force yourself into “normal” festivities, however, can backfire, as grief often finds a way to ambush us when we suppress it.

Grieving is not about returning to the “old normal.” It’s about adjusting to a new reality, one where your relationship with your pet takes on a different form. There’s no timetable for this process, and you don’t need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone. 

Still, grieving must become an active process to heal. Here are some ways to navigate grief during the holidays: 

1. Create a Space to Honor Your Loved One
Light a candle by their photograph and speak to them in the quietness of your heart. Let them know how much you miss them. 

2. Write It Out
Writing about your emotions can externalize your grief and help you begin to understand it. 

3. Cry, But Take Grief Breaks
Tears are healing, but so are moments of connection. Join loved ones briefly for a hug, a laugh, or a song. Then, if needed, retreat back to the privacy of your feelings.  

4. Get Outside  
Walking in nature releases tension and brings a gentle solace. Even a short walk can offer relief.  

5. Volunteer
Your grief has opened your heart. Consider spending time at an animal shelter or visiting seniors in a care home. Both groups will cherish your presence, and you may find echoes of your own experiences in their stories.  

6. Honor Your Pet’s Legacy  
Talk to the animals at your local shelter, and bring something special for the staff. Plant a Christmas tree outside as a living tribute, decorating it with peanut butter for birds and squirrels to enjoy.  

7. Practice Self-Care
Grief takes a physical and emotional toll. Stay hydrated, eat nourishing meals, and rest when you need to.  

8. Seek Support If Needed
Grief is not a mental health issue, and sadness is not something to “fix.” However, if your sorrow feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a grief counselor who understands loss.  

9. Surround Yourself With Empathy
Stay connected with friends and family who truly understand the depth of your loss. Avoid those who dismiss your grief with phrases like, “It was only a pet.”  Or maybe “ Their in a better place now.”

In time, you will move toward a future that holds love and acceptance once more. As the poet John O’Donohue beautifully reminds us, one day, you’ll find yourself at the hearth of your soul, where your beloved companion has awaited your return all along.  

Kaleel Sakakeeny is an advanced, credentialed grief counselor, ordained animal chaplain and pastor, and credentialed pet loss grief counselor. He serves as the director of Animal Talks (animaltalksinc.com), a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting those mourning the loss of a beloved pet.  kaleel@animaltalksinc.com